Why am I becoming and feeling more miserable than ever? I’m heartbroken, with no one to talk to…:(?

I don’t know if I’m mentally ill, just sad or whatever, but since about last week, I have been more epressed than ever. It use to be on and of and I would get a little angry, not wanna deal with anyone, I would even swear a lot and tell people off or hit walls, other days I would be the comedian of my town. But heres the thing, I’m 19, a college student, a part time worker at Walmart and I love all these things but……IM GAY!!! IM GAY AND IN THE CLOSET!!! I’m not an athiest or anything like i have faith in life, but for the past few days including this morning i’ve woken up feeling uselss, sad, heart broken. In high school I had more school friend than normal friend (friends i’d hang out with outside school too) one of them was this cute (as far as I know) straight guy. He was nice to people, friendly smart and he had two gay uncles so I thought "maybe he is" I was falling in love with him by the end of tenth grade case we had a bunch of classes together, and I realized then I’ve never loved a girl like that, so I realized throughout, yes i like dudes. It killed me seeing him get a girlfriend, I didn’t even go to my prom because i knew i’d be miserable all night seeing him with her cause i dont even care about sex (i mean he is hot, a little sex is nice lolo) but honestly i just wanted to date him, love him, and for me back.

I tried talking to my parents and they said there was something wrong with me, that they didn’t want to tell our whole italian fmaily about it, and that i just wanted ihm as a friend and should forget it.That was 2 years ago, they have done nothing but tell me "why don’t yu date a cute girl already" I don’t like girls liek that I cannot get sexually turned on. I tried watching it gets better videos, but they don’t help. My cousin was straight, and she wanted what I want. A normal well-off financial life and a love. She was 23, and this summer died of cancer. Me and her were like twins, so whats not to say life can be ripped form me like that after all this misery. I’m lucky don’t get me wrong. I have friends (although my best one is away at college now), I don’t really get to see my other ones because I work so many hours to pay for college and save up because I fear with America becoming like Zimbawe like my uncle said and Glenn Beck said, I want a chance to live. I’m a computer science major, IT josb keep getting outsourced they said. I cannot even call the trevor hotline because even if its free it will show up on the phone bill my parents pay. I beg god to bring me a boyfriend, or if there still a s light chance that guy might be gay but nothing. I am losing hope, I have no one to talk to and my heart is broken, like a hole is in my chest.

I’m sure my parents will be like "we pay your phone bill, your food, your college tuition (which is actually loans they helped me apply for) so why don’t you just be with a ncie girl that all you need" so now i have to feel abd because i have to be soemthing im not, ebcause they cannot accept me, and with the economy, ill probably be stuck in this hosue forever, i dont have the money to make it on my own.

Since its probably difficult to find other single gay men, you could try a dating site. A relationship would probably pick you right up and help motivate you and move your life along. Obviously if you do start dating youll need to come out of the closet. Is there anyone respectable you know who could help you talk to your parents about why you cant just choose to be straight?

2 Responses to “Why am I becoming and feeling more miserable than ever? I’m heartbroken, with no one to talk to…:(?”

  1. olddoll says:

    Well, you can’t hide your feelings forever. Try applying for some credit cards and try to get a simple job for now.
    References :

  2. Tristan says:

    Since its probably difficult to find other single gay men, you could try a dating site. A relationship would probably pick you right up and help motivate you and move your life along. Obviously if you do start dating youll need to come out of the closet. Is there anyone respectable you know who could help you talk to your parents about why you cant just choose to be straight?
    References :

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